Okay, I'm gonna be pretty blunt here. I don't want to do this. I'm going on four hours of sleep, its already way later than i usually stay up and i'm cranky. Damn...
Do you ever think about really really weird stuff? Earlier today i caught myself thinking why guys still have nipples, and how badass it would be to still have a tail. Think about it.. it'd be sweet. Also, what if our body parts were in different places? What if your mouth was on your back and foot was on your knee. Having sex would be really really weird.
Okay, backtracking a little bit back to the nipple thing. I think i read online somewhere that guys can get their nipples removed at birth- kind of like a circumcision. That'd be sooooo weird looking though..
Monday, December 6, 2010
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Jonny Quest
Okay, I had this blog idea last night while I was completely hammered. I'm still a tad hungover so hang with me here; i'm doing my best.
So, a few weeks ago, Jarrod and I were bored and watching t.v. Of course, it was really late at night so there wasn't shit on. As I flipped through the channels, I kind of stumbled across Jonny Quest. My friend Nick had a shit ton of Jonny Quest action figures, as a kid, so I figured it'd be worth a try.
In the very first instant we watched it, we knew we were in love (with the tv show, not eachother... thats a whoole 'nother story). The show has an absolute plethora of subliminal, old school racism. It's really, really fucking funny.
It probably isn't funny to a lot of people though; I find a lot of really inappropriate stuff hilarious. As a matter of fact, in one of the episodes, Race explains to Jonny how these arabian people are "backwards to our civilized society." It's shit like that. Also, in another episode, they meet a chinese dude, so they call him Charlie. Apparently, US soldiers called all asian people charlier after vietnam or ww2- so thats pretty funny too.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GJk8TnS2shs
So, a few weeks ago, Jarrod and I were bored and watching t.v. Of course, it was really late at night so there wasn't shit on. As I flipped through the channels, I kind of stumbled across Jonny Quest. My friend Nick had a shit ton of Jonny Quest action figures, as a kid, so I figured it'd be worth a try.
In the very first instant we watched it, we knew we were in love (with the tv show, not eachother... thats a whoole 'nother story). The show has an absolute plethora of subliminal, old school racism. It's really, really fucking funny.
It probably isn't funny to a lot of people though; I find a lot of really inappropriate stuff hilarious. As a matter of fact, in one of the episodes, Race explains to Jonny how these arabian people are "backwards to our civilized society." It's shit like that. Also, in another episode, they meet a chinese dude, so they call him Charlie. Apparently, US soldiers called all asian people charlier after vietnam or ww2- so thats pretty funny too.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GJk8TnS2shs
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
mortality.
Mortality: Fuck it.
I just got back from my friends dad's wake. Needless to say, it is kind of depressing. No one likes to see one of their best friends crying, or going through any types of troubles like that. It sucks because you cant do anything to help them. It did make me realize one thing though, your living life, having fun, then someone throws a curveball and decides to fuck your shit up. You never know when you're going to lose someone close to you; that sucks. My parents are older, and it makes me think about losing them. I dont know what I would do. I'd cry for days on end, for sure. I dont know how dakota did it. He's a soldier; definately stronger than me.
I just got back from my friends dad's wake. Needless to say, it is kind of depressing. No one likes to see one of their best friends crying, or going through any types of troubles like that. It sucks because you cant do anything to help them. It did make me realize one thing though, your living life, having fun, then someone throws a curveball and decides to fuck your shit up. You never know when you're going to lose someone close to you; that sucks. My parents are older, and it makes me think about losing them. I dont know what I would do. I'd cry for days on end, for sure. I dont know how dakota did it. He's a soldier; definately stronger than me.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
RIP
This blog isn't going to be as much on the lighter side as my other ones have been. I know, F me right?
Anywho, my whole weekend was pretty much dedicated to one of my best friends, Dakota. In the past week, his dad passed away. That's never easy one anyone, but Dakota lives alone, works 60 hours a week on swing shift (which is the shittiest thing out there) and still enjoys life.
I found out his dad passed away and i was instantly bummed out. It kind of made me thing about life and mortality and all that bullshit. I had to cheer him up; he'd called me a few times and just sounded absolutely crushed on the phone. Normally he is extremely up beat and hyper as shit- not lately. So my whole weekend was pretty much to keep his mind off things and make sure he had fun
Friday night me and Nick met him in Fairview to go out and eat and just bullshit. You could see his mood was still kind of down, but he was happy to be with us. Eventually we went to the mall, porn shop, you know, all the necessary places and decided we wanted to do something else. Finally we were like "fuck it"- we went to Washington Ave. to a hookah bar; it was packed so we left (which dakota wasnt happy about) so we drove around and bullshat some more and finally ended up at a pretty chill hookah bar on S. Grand. We stayed there till it closed and went back to dakotas and left. I didn't really want to leave him because if he was alone he only had one option to think about... We said our goodbye's and took off. His mood was exponentially better than it was when we first met. I was feeling pretty good about myself- helping a friend out like that, espescially when he needed me the most. Honestly, I would have done anything for him.
Saturday night, I had to go to the symphony for my music class and Dakota decided he wanted to come along- thats perfectly fine with me. We went to the symphony and had as grand of a time as you can at a symphony (lol). Then we went to the same hookah bar we went to the night before, except this night there was a burlesque show. Yes a fucking burlesque show. It was awesome. Ordered a few drinks, cheered his ass up, went back to his house and left.
The funeral is on Tuesday, and i would cancel anything to go to it.
Love you bro
Anywho, my whole weekend was pretty much dedicated to one of my best friends, Dakota. In the past week, his dad passed away. That's never easy one anyone, but Dakota lives alone, works 60 hours a week on swing shift (which is the shittiest thing out there) and still enjoys life.
I found out his dad passed away and i was instantly bummed out. It kind of made me thing about life and mortality and all that bullshit. I had to cheer him up; he'd called me a few times and just sounded absolutely crushed on the phone. Normally he is extremely up beat and hyper as shit- not lately. So my whole weekend was pretty much to keep his mind off things and make sure he had fun
Friday night me and Nick met him in Fairview to go out and eat and just bullshit. You could see his mood was still kind of down, but he was happy to be with us. Eventually we went to the mall, porn shop, you know, all the necessary places and decided we wanted to do something else. Finally we were like "fuck it"- we went to Washington Ave. to a hookah bar; it was packed so we left (which dakota wasnt happy about) so we drove around and bullshat some more and finally ended up at a pretty chill hookah bar on S. Grand. We stayed there till it closed and went back to dakotas and left. I didn't really want to leave him because if he was alone he only had one option to think about... We said our goodbye's and took off. His mood was exponentially better than it was when we first met. I was feeling pretty good about myself- helping a friend out like that, espescially when he needed me the most. Honestly, I would have done anything for him.
Saturday night, I had to go to the symphony for my music class and Dakota decided he wanted to come along- thats perfectly fine with me. We went to the symphony and had as grand of a time as you can at a symphony (lol). Then we went to the same hookah bar we went to the night before, except this night there was a burlesque show. Yes a fucking burlesque show. It was awesome. Ordered a few drinks, cheered his ass up, went back to his house and left.
The funeral is on Tuesday, and i would cancel anything to go to it.
Love you bro
Monday, November 15, 2010
The Adventures of Randy the Wrench Ranger
The Adventures of Randy the Wrench Ranger:
based on a true story
It was a sunny afternoon in early July, and Randy was out collecting honey from his bees. He had to collect honey because his grand-pappy was very, very sick and the only way to cure him was to get a magic flute from Mobile, Alabama. Randy didn't have any money, though because he only worked part time at the local factory- Red Bud Industries. Honey was a growing commodity in his local community so he decided to grow it and make some money.
Late one afternoon, a few Boeing 757's crashed into his bee farm! "What the heck!?" Randy thought, "I was just about to raise enough money to take a train down to see my grand-pappy". So, because all of his options were exhausted, Randy decided he had to sell crack; it was his only option.
Randy sold crack successfully for a few weeks, and made a fair share of money, but his dad, who used to be a vital part of the Doobie Brothers, intervined. Randy had to stop selling his crack! What could he do now?
There was only one option left- he had to whore himself out to either 500 chicks, or 50 fat chicks, or 5 really, really fat chicks. "Lord have mercy," Randy thought. Please help me to not get caught in this prostitution ring. Randy almost had enough money, but contracted a serious case of syphalis and aids.
The end.
Randy sold crack successfully for a few weeks, and made a fair share of money, but his dad, who used to be a vital part of the Doobie Brothers, intervined. Randy had to stop selling his crack! What could he do now?
There was only one option left- he had to whore himself out to either 500 chicks, or 50 fat chicks, or 5 really, really fat chicks. "Lord have mercy," Randy thought. Please help me to not get caught in this prostitution ring. Randy almost had enough money, but contracted a serious case of syphalis and aids.
The end.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
People I hate.
1. Dane Cook
Oh, where to begin... First of all, Dane Cook is a straight up ass munching, cespool bred, human of a being. He doesn't even write his own jokes (that aren't even funny or executed well). Not to mention, his movies suck.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z8WGFhOgaX4&feature=fvw
(If youve never listened to him, be prepared for a lot of sucking, vulgar moves, and did I mention sucking??)
2. Carrot-top
Prop Comedian. Thats all i have to say.
3. Carlos Mencia (a.k.a. Carlos "Butthole" Mencia)
The man steals from Bill Cosby. Bill Cosby! Not to mention his over the top, yelling and screaming and running around and anything else actual funny people don't do is just stupid. Ever watch his show on tbs? Didn't think so. One of my favorite South Park episodes rips on him pretty hardcore. Fishsticks. Look it up. Moral of the story- Carlos Butthole Mencia sucks.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lCixAktGPlg&feature=player_embedded (video of him stealing from Cosby.)
4. Chelsea Handler
Oh, where to start with this one. The only thing i have ever found funny on the Chelsea Handler Show is the midget Chewy, and thats because midgets are funny. Frankly, she kind of disgusts me. An episode of South Park explains how i feel about here almost perfectly. Guys can fart all they want and its funny, but if a girl queefs, thats just fucked up- not funny at all and really, really nasty. Everyone on this list is just a queef, and Chelsea Handler is the leader of the queefs. If you don't know what a queef is, here's a video.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UsD0bugAn40
Oh, where to begin... First of all, Dane Cook is a straight up ass munching, cespool bred, human of a being. He doesn't even write his own jokes (that aren't even funny or executed well). Not to mention, his movies suck.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z8WGFhOgaX4&feature=fvw
(If youve never listened to him, be prepared for a lot of sucking, vulgar moves, and did I mention sucking??)
2. Carrot-top
Prop Comedian. Thats all i have to say.
3. Carlos Mencia (a.k.a. Carlos "Butthole" Mencia)
The man steals from Bill Cosby. Bill Cosby! Not to mention his over the top, yelling and screaming and running around and anything else actual funny people don't do is just stupid. Ever watch his show on tbs? Didn't think so. One of my favorite South Park episodes rips on him pretty hardcore. Fishsticks. Look it up. Moral of the story- Carlos Butthole Mencia sucks.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lCixAktGPlg&feature=player_embedded (video of him stealing from Cosby.)
4. Chelsea Handler
Oh, where to start with this one. The only thing i have ever found funny on the Chelsea Handler Show is the midget Chewy, and thats because midgets are funny. Frankly, she kind of disgusts me. An episode of South Park explains how i feel about here almost perfectly. Guys can fart all they want and its funny, but if a girl queefs, thats just fucked up- not funny at all and really, really nasty. Everyone on this list is just a queef, and Chelsea Handler is the leader of the queefs. If you don't know what a queef is, here's a video.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UsD0bugAn40
Monday, September 13, 2010
Dentist
Normally I don't mind going to the dentist; I don't see what everyone has against it really. They clean your teeth and talk to you; I could understand being worried if they're going to do some major surgery, but they will put you on sweet meds. Hell, if you're lucky enough you'll feel like these two kids. Clearly the older sister on the right has been on something before- you'll see what I mean. She just looks like the more experienced one.
http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1940505
Is she videotaping that whole thing and driving? No, that can't be it; how could she possibly put on her make up, text, videotape and eat her McDonalds.
Or, you could come out like this little tyke. Whenever I have to get some cavities filled, I never get laughing gas, I get stuck with getting numbing shots. I need to find me a new dentist, I think.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=txqiwrbYGrs
But who hasn't seen that one? It's just a classic youtube video of a parent exploiting their child, and they're isn't anything wrong with that because this is america! If you have to exploit your child to get some tv time, that's just something that you gotta do.
All these videos are making me think that I need to go to a new dentist...
http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1940505
Is she videotaping that whole thing and driving? No, that can't be it; how could she possibly put on her make up, text, videotape and eat her McDonalds.
Or, you could come out like this little tyke. Whenever I have to get some cavities filled, I never get laughing gas, I get stuck with getting numbing shots. I need to find me a new dentist, I think.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=txqiwrbYGrs
But who hasn't seen that one? It's just a classic youtube video of a parent exploiting their child, and they're isn't anything wrong with that because this is america! If you have to exploit your child to get some tv time, that's just something that you gotta do.
All these videos are making me think that I need to go to a new dentist...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)